For over two years I waited for P to get on the same page as me. We dated, we broke up, and through it all, we never really lost faith in each other. "We're meant to be together," he would tell me, and I believed him. But it was hard and painful, far more so for me than him, and here's the thing: sometimes, I'm still very angry at him for it all. I'm angry that he could say something like "we're meant to be together" than run off with other women. I'm angry about how irresponsible he was, how easily he would cast me away, how whenever I would get up the nerve to confront him he would shrink and cry and ask me to understand that he wasn't ready; that he was afraid. I'm angry that he was a coward. I'm angry that he took his insecurity and lack of faith in people and love out on me. I'm angry at how shallow his life can be, and how, in those years, he surrounded himself with stupid, fake, backstabbinng, hanger-ons. Sometimes I'm still so angry I want to leave him, at the very least scream at him. How could you do this to me?
I realize that I'm really just angry with myself. How could I let him do this to me? I know that I've changed, that he's changed. I know if I can just let us, we could have a very happy life together.
But sometimes, I'm still so angry.