Choice In The Matter

mrs. robinson

On Friday I went down to my favorite, new, local bar with my friend Dave.  It's quaint without being too small, and there are always interesting people to chat with and good music to listen to, not to mention they make these pizzas that are little slices of heaven.   The moment we get there, Dave runs to the bar and brings us back a couple of shots.  I try at first to wave them off but give in.  We wander around to find our friends, who have managed to get a table and a bunch of chairs, then order a round of drinks.  I'm having a great time when I feel a tap on my shoulder. 

"Have you met my friend John?"  It's Dave and he's got the cutest guy with him, who yes, I had already met a few weeks ago.  It was at a party. We had both drunkenly flirted with each other towards the end of the night but then the friend I was with (and my designated driver) had wanted to leave and that was that.

"We've already met" John tells Dave and Dave smiles and walks off.  Dave has been not so secretly trying to set me up because he loves me and he's frustrated with P.  I motion for J to join me and we start to chatting.  I can already feel the affects of the two shots and my drinks so I'm really talkative and when he leans in and asks if he can call me sometime, I nod happily and give him my number.

By that time, my friends are ready to move on to the next place and are rounding everyone up. 

"I think we're leaving," I tell J.  "Want to come?"

He nods so I give him directions and follow my friends out.  An hour later, settled into our new bar, J strolls in.  We start talking again, but by this time, I'm not completely coherent and the new bar is far more crowded and noisy.  We talk for awhile then he tells me he's leaving because he has to get up early.  He asks if he can call me and I nod and smile.

He called me last night.  I was already getting ready for bed so we didn't really talk for long.  He just wanted to say hello and see what I was up to for the week but I kept it short.  The thing is, I'm not sure what is going on with P at the moment, but I do know we're not dating other people.  I've worked really hard, the last few months, to get my life in order and get to a place where I'm happy with myself and my life, regardless of what is going on with P.   And I had a great time flirting and talking to this new guy.  It's been so long since I went out and just had fun and met people!  This morning I was thinking that I should feel more confused, but I just feel happy.  I'm not sure what is happening with P or if I'm really ready to move on, but my life is OK.

Oh and one more thing.  J is only 23.

house of dreams

When I was younger, I always imagined that the first home I bought would be as part of a couple. It would be our little House of Dreams, as in Anne’s House of Dreams, my 12 year-old-self’s bible on what adulthood would be like. I figured that if I could just get past the awkwardness of being a teenager, my Prince Charming, or in this case, Gilbert, would come.

By the time I was 25, after a live-in stint with my boyfriend of 6 years, I shelved those dreams and bought my own place. I had fallen in love, not with a man but with a cute little condo a block from the beach. In the back of my mind was the thought that this would be my starter home, the one I would sell when I was ready to buy my “real home” with the man I would marry. At the time, all I knew was that I hadn’t had a place that felt like home since I was 14, and that 600 square feet made me happier than anything I’d ever done for myself.

These days, that 600 square feet just feels small. For the past few weeks I’ve been playing with the idea of moving to a bigger place. I’ll be 29 in a couple of months and Prince Charming doesn’t seem any closer to getting his act together and growing up.  The other week, while browsing around the Sunday paper I found a few listings in a community I would love to live in. Not only are the units twice as big and have an ocean view, I’ll basically be paying only slightly more than I’m paying now with the added bonus of a good chunk of change sitting in my savings account. The wacky real estate market has appreciated my current home 100% in the last three years.

So now all I have to do is figure out how to sell one home, while buying another. Alone. The 12 year-old inside of me wants to rebel and wait for Prince Charming to take care of all the little details, but I’m beginning to accept that if I wait for that, I could be waiting forever. And I need more space for my shoes.